Guide to Funeral Etiquette: 12 Essentials

Proper Funeral Etiquette

Funerals are solemn occasions that require proper etiquette and behaviors that honor the event's significance. Here are 12 essential tips to help you be a thoughtful friend and attendee. 

1. Who Should Attend?

Attending a funeral is typically appropriate if you are close to the deceased or their family. Funerals are generally open events, allowing anyone to attend. However, if the funeral is private and you haven't received an invitation, respect the family's wishes and do not attend. Ultimately, it's about honoring the deceased and supporting the grieving family.

2. When Is It Okay To Skip?

There are valid reasons to skip a funeral, such as living far away, work obligations, illness, or private services. If you cannot attend, find other ways to offer support or condolences. Remember, you can show support and empathy without physically attending. 

3. Should You Bring Your Kids?

Deciding whether to bring children to a funeral is a sensitive and personal decision. Consider their age, maturity, relationship with the deceased, cultural and religious considerations, and emotional impact. If you choose not to bring your children to the funeral, make alternative arrangements for them during that time. Engaging a trusted caregiver or family member to look after them can ensure they are cared for while you pay your respects.

4. When Should You Arrive?

Arriving early is advisable to avoid disrupting the service. If the family receives guests, greet them briefly, then find your seat. If you are late, enter quietly and sit in the back to minimize disruption.

5. What Should You Wear?

Dressing conservatively in black or neutral colors is appropriate for funerals unless the family's cultural or religious customs dictate otherwise. Avoid excessive jewelry, hats (unless allowed), and athletic shoes. Choose comfortable clothing suitable for the occasion and climate. Remember, the dress code may vary depending on the type of funeral, but it is always safe to opt for conservative, modest choices unless otherwise specified.

6. How Should You Prepare for the Service?

Participate in the funeral as you feel comfortable. You are never obligated to take on any actions that make you uneasy. Typically, most guests sign the visitor’s book and add their condolences in writing or to the family if they have a receiving line. Respect religious and cultural beliefs and differences, remaining quiet and reflective if you choose not to participate in certain practices or rituals.

7. If You Attend the Visitation, Is It OK to Skip the Funeral?

Visitation usually occurs before the funeral or hours before the service. Depending on your relationship with the deceased and your emotional well-being, you may attend the visitation, the funeral, or both. Personal preferences and closeness to the family play a significant role in making this decision.

8. Do You Have to Attend the Funeral and Interment?

Attending the funeral and the graveside service (interment) is not compulsory. Paying your respects at the funeral and skipping the graveside service is acceptable. In some instances, only family members and clergy attend the interment. 

9. Should You Leave Your Cell Phone at Home or in the Car?

Leaving your cell phone and other electronic devices at home is a personal choice. If you bring them, ensure they are on silent mode or turned off during the service. If you anticipate an urgent call, sit at the back and on the aisle so you can step out unobtrusively.  

10. What Should You Say to Grieving Family Members?

Offering condolences to grieving family members is a meaningful gesture. Keep your words brief, and focus on expressing support with good intentions. Avoid asking intrusive questions; instead, share the deceased's memories or express your sympathy. Remember, your goal is to comfort the family during their loss.

11. Should You Bring Flowers to the Funeral?

Flowers are a standard gift, but check if they are appropriate for the funeral. Flowers are inappropriate for Jewish funerals, and families of all faiths often request charitable donations instead of flowers. 

12. How Can You Support the Grieving Family After the Funeral?

The support you provide to the grieving family doesn't end with the funeral. Offering support and comfort after the funeral is a meaningful way to show your ongoing care. Here are a few suggestions:

• Reach out with a personal note or call: Let them know you are there for them and willing to listen if they need to talk.
• Offer practical assistance: Offer to help with grocery shopping, meal preparation, or household chores. Even small gestures can make a big difference during this difficult time.
• Follow up with a visit or a meal: If appropriate, schedule a time to visit the grieving family. Offer to bring a dinner or dessert, or simply spend time with them, providing a listening ear or sharing comforting memories of their loved one.
• Respect their grieving process: Everyone grieves differently and at their own pace. Be understanding and patient with the family's emotions. 

Armed with these etiquette guidelines, you can attend a funeral with compassion and respect. Your presence, condolences, and thoughtful gestures will mean a lot to the grieving family as they honor the life of someone special. Your actions exemplify the importance of treating others with kindness and support through these challenging times.

Not sure if Spring time has an effect on appropriate attire? Take a look at our article 8 Tips for What to Wear to a Spring Funeral.

For more advice on how to comfort those who are grieving, take a look at our article Condolences with Heart: Navigating the Delicate Art of Comforting Words.