How to Discuss Your Cremation Plans with Loved Ones
So you’ve weighed your choices, considered your family history, values, religion, environmental concerns, and traditions, and looked at your budget. After thinking about your options for your final goodbye, you’ve landed on cremation. Congratulations. While death is a universal experience, most people don’t plan sufficiently for the end, often leaving a burden on their loved ones.
But now comes the next step. You need to talk about it so those loved ones know what you want and, ideally, get it down on paper.
Having Difficult (But Crucial) Conversations About End-of-Life Planning
According to the AARP, while 85 percent of adults over 45 say they are comfortable talking about death and dying, seven in ten say they avoid the topic. While the AARP survey showed many concerns around end-of-life planning and death and dying, few people had taken action to write up their wishes in a will or a living will.
The group suggests before you talk about funeral planning, you prepare for the conversation by considering these three things:
- What do I need to think about or do before the talk?
- What do I want to talk about?
- Are there issues to settle?
How to Get Started
Talking about cremation is part of a larger conversation about how you’d like to live out your final days. You may want to talk about palliative care, hospice, and your wishes around health care. While these topics may all sound daunting, experts suggest you start with a simple beginning. The AARP says this prompt can get things started: “What matters to me at the end of life is … “
The Conversation Project is a nonprofit dedicated to encouraging more of these difficult conversations and offers this Conversation Starter Guide to help.
What Loved Ones Need to Know About Your Cremation Plans
Let your loved ones know where you keep the paperwork if you have chosen cremation and purchased a prepaid funeral plan with a funeral home or cremation provider. If you have chosen cremation but haven't paid or selected a provider, share your values and goals with them to help navigate the choices later if needed. If you have not paid for a cremation, you might consider opening a “payable upon death” bank account and place money to cover the options you’d like.
The answers to these questions should help:
- Do you want a full-service funeral home?
- Do you want a funeral or other service before cremation?
- How much do you want to pay or expect your family to pay?
- Do you have a place where you would like your ashes scattered?
- Would you prefer a permanent interment, burial, or cremation memorial?
Answering a few simple questions during your talk with loved ones will help them make decisions later so that they will have more confidence to represent your wishes truly.
A Plan and Talking Points for Family Discussions
Some great advice about handling a talk with your family about your cremation plans comes from the Krause Funeral Homes. They suggest they work best if you have two components, a written plan and talking points. Your conversation might follow their example whether you have chosen cremation or another type of funeral arrangement:
- Your Health: An honest assessment of your current health.
- Death is a Fact of Life: Everyone dies, and no one knows when they’ll die. Acknowledge it is not an easy topic to discuss.
- Reasons You Have Planned: Details about any prepaid arrangements or as much detail you have about wishes that have not been fully actualized.
- Present Your Plan: Give as much detail as you want and make clear what is up for discussion.
- Answer Questions: Be prepared to answer any questions your loved ones might have.
- Reassure Them: Conclude with information about your health and your reasons for planning ahead.
There are many reasons why people choose cremation. Some prefer it's generally lower cost. Some have an idea about scattering that is meaningful to them, whether in nature or at a favorite destination. Others want a simple goodbye without a lot of bells and whistles. Whatever your reasoning, to get the end you want, you must share this information with friends and family. Sharing what values or wishes led you to make this choice can be a helpful way for them to understand its importance to you.
We hope these tips get you started on a meaningful conversation that will ease your mind and lessen their burden when the time comes.