Planning a Cemetery Visit? Here’s What to Know

You might visit a loved one’s grave for many reasons – the anniversary of their passing, a birthday, Memorial Day for a Veteran, a holiday, or simply because you miss them and want to feel close. You might even visit relatives you’ve never met as part of your family history or genealogy research. No matter the reason, spending time at a loved one’s final resting place can offer a sense of connection, reflection, and peace.

Whether it’s been a while or you are planning your first visit, it helps to know what to expect. This simple guide walks you through how to find a grave, what to bring, how to show respect, and how to observe religious customs.

How to Find Your Loved One’s Grave

If you haven’t been to the cemetery before or you don’t know exactly where your loved one is buried, take time to plan your visit. It’s helpful to bring the full name, birth and death dates, and even military service information, especially if they are buried in a national or historic cemetery.

Here are tips for finding your loved one’s grave:

• Call the cemetery in advance. Most staff can look up names and give you a plot number.
• Check the cemetery’s website for an online search tool or downloadable map.
• Use memorial websites like Find a Grave or BillionGraves.
• Ask for a printed map or directions once you arrive. Some cemeteries have staff or kiosks to help you navigate.

What to Bring to a Cemetery

You don’t need to bring much, but the right items can make your visit more comfortable and meaningful. Here are some suggestions:

• Flowers (real or artificial, depending on cemetery policy)
• Small flag for a Veteran or first responder
• Keepsakes like a photo, coin, or small item with significance
• Water and sunscreen, especially in warmer months and places without shade
• A notebook or journal for writing reflections or letters
• Blanket or small folding chair to sit on
• Tissues
• A small trash bag in case you need to clean up around the grave or you bring a small trowel to weed (check with the cemetery about their policies)

When’s the Best Time to Visit a Cemetery?

Cemeteries are typically open from sunrise to sunset. Most cemetery websites have hours of operation, and you can also call. Some cemeteries offer guided walking tours or special events during holidays or memorial services.

Keep in mind that:

• Early mornings and weekday afternoons are generally quieter.
• Special days like anniversaries, birthdays, or holidays are meaningful times to visit but may be busier.
• Inclement weather may affect regular cemetery visiting hours. 

Can You Leave Flowers or Keepsakes?

Many cemeteries allow flowers, but other items may have restrictions. Here are a few general guidelines:

• Fresh flowers in a bouquet are nearly always permitted but may be removed after a few days.
• Wreaths of fresh or artificial flowers.
• Artificial flowers may be acceptable, though some cemeteries restrict them during mowing season.
• Avoid glass containers, balloons, or unsecured items that could blow away or create hazards.
• Keepsakes such as coins, painted rocks, or flags are often allowed but may be removed by the grounds staff after a while.

Can You Leave Coins on a Veteran’s Grave?

In military tradition, leaving coins on a Veteran’s headstone is a quiet way to pay respects and show that someone has visited. This tradition is especially common around Memorial Day but is appropriate any time you visit. Most cemeteries are OK with this tradition and use the coins to help with upkeep or Veterans’ memorial programs. 

A coin’s denomination carries a special meaning:

• Penny: You want to show respect 
• Nickel: You trained with the Veteran
• Dime: You served with them
• Quarter: You were with the Veteran when they died

What’s OK (and Not OK) During a Cemetery Visit

A cemetery is a peaceful place that is shared with others. Here are a few etiquette tips to keep in mind:

Do:

• Speak quietly and keep your phone on silent
• Yield to funeral services in progress
• Walk on paths when possible
• Supervise children or have someone watch them

Don’t:

• Walk directly on graves
• Touch or lean on headstones
• Litter or leave food items
• Some states forbid dogs in cemeteries, so check with the office before bringing a pet or service animal

Cemetery Etiquette for Different Faiths

All religions honor their loved ones in unique ways. If your loved one is buried in a religious section of the cemetery — or you’re visiting someone of a different faith — it helps to understand a few key customs. Taking the time to honor these traditions shows respect for your loved one and others visiting nearby.

Jewish Cemeteries:

• Leave a small stone instead of flowers
• Avoid visiting during Shabbat (Friday evening to Saturday evening)
• Men may wear a kippah (also known as a yamulke or head covering)

Catholic Cemeteries:

• Expect religious symbols such as crosses or saints
• It’s appropriate to say prayers like the Hail Mary or Rosary
• Battery candles are standard; some cemeteries offer prayer cards or Masses for the deceased

Muslim Cemeteries:

• Dress modestly and avoid loud conversation
• Prayers are often recited while facing Mecca
• Flowers are acceptable, but avoid statues or figurines

Honor Their Memory Your Way

There’s no perfect way to visit a grave, only the way that feels right for you. Whether you bring flowers, sit quietly, or share stories with family, the act of visiting speaks volumes.

If you're unsure what to bring or how to prepare, reach out to the cemetery beforehand. And if you're helping someone plan their first visit, feel free to share this article as a helpful place to start.

Other helpful articles might interest you, including Guide to Funeral Etiquette, A Cemetery Road Trip to Pay Tribute to Modern American Heroes, and Meaningful Mementos: Affordable Keepsakes to Remember Your Loved One. 

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