How to Plan a Funeral

Many loved ones find themselves making funeral arrangements for loved ones after the fact. If they are lucky, they can carry out prepaid arrangements and have written instructions, payment information, and legal documents all in place.

“Funeral arrangements" and “funeral planning” are sometimes used interchangeably. They refer both to the physical care of your loved one after death and the organization of any ceremony or service. Even if a family chooses not to have a funeral or memorial, arrangements for care after death still need to be made.

Making the First Call to a Funeral Home

If this is your first time making this call, it might feel intimidating. But funeral professionals are here to help you; you don’t have to do this alone. Here are some tips for when you make that first call:

• Take a deep breath. The person on the other end understands you're going through a hard time.
• Be prepared to share basic information. The funeral director or staff member will ask for the name of your loved one, their location, and your relationship to them.
• Ask any questions you have. It's okay if you're unsure what to ask—funeral directors are used to helping families through this.
• Be honest about what you need. Whether you know exactly what you want or need guidance, they’re there to support you.

Remember, funeral professionals have experience and compassion. They’ll guide you through each step, offering help where you need it. You're not expected to have all the answers right now – that's what they're for.

Where to Begin with Funeral Arrangements?

Whether you think your loved one wanted a full-service, traditional funeral and burial with casket and all the extras or they wanted a simple, direct cremation with no additional services, family members will need to start by answering the following questions.

1. Cremation or burial? 

Knowing whether you’ll be choosing cremation or burial will help you narrow down the choices for funeral providers, get an idea about cost, and impact the timing of the care. Your circumstances, family traditions, and religious background may influence your choice.

2. What’s your budget?

According to national price surveys, cremation is generally less expensive than burial. Still, your budget should also consider whether you plan to have a service, how many people might attend, and what kind of extra support you need (flowers, programs, catering, etc.). Some families also opt to have remains shipped to a family cemetery, hometown, or overseas. Consider all the things you may want to include with your arrangements.

3. Time and place?

Some families choose to wait to hold a service until more people can attend or a particular holiday or occasion occurs. The location of the loved one’s care or services is also dependent on whether the loved one lives far away or has a hometown that is special to them.

4. To view or not to view?

For some people, viewing the body (in a separate “viewing” time or in an open casket funeral) is an essential part of their culture, religion, or personal grief and acceptance journey. In some cases, having a body present at a funeral may require embalming, but it is not a state law, and your funeral provider can let you know what choices you may have. Some may choose to have cremated remains at a funeral. You will want to decide this before making arrangements. 

How to Choose a Funeral Home

Once you have answered those basic questions, it will be time to choose a funeral provider. Like choosing any other business, you will want to make sure you’ve made the choice that’s best for you. You can ask friends, neighbors, and family for recommendations. You can look at reviews. You can call around and do some price comparison. 

Since this can be an emotionally exhausting time, consider appointing a family member who is a bit removed who may be willing to do some of the groundwork for you. Don’t feel obligated to use the same funeral home your family has always used unless you also feel good about the choice. The Cake end-of-life planning website and the Funeral Consumer Alliance have good information about making choices.

What to Expect from a Funeral Home or Provider

Whether you have chosen a traditional funeral home, an online cremation service, or something in between, a funeral professional will guide you through your choices. A good funeral director wants you to make the plans that fit your needs and budget. 

Remember that you have consumer rights as regulated by the Federal Trade Commission’s Funeral Rule. Get familiar with your rights before signing any documents. Under the Funeral Rule, you will be given a General Price List. Learn what you can about understanding the charges before making a final decision and signing the paperwork.

Be sure to gather documents like Social Security information to help you get started.

Goodbye Funerals, Services, and Memorials

There are nearly infinite choices in how to remember a loved one. Some people opt for funerals or memorials right away. Some families choose to wait. Other families may choose a small, private ash-scattering ceremony, plant a memorial tree, or donate money for a park bench. There is no one right way to remember a loved one. 

Planning a Gathering

The decisions you’ll need to make when planning your gathering are the same as for any party:

• How many will attend?
• Are you serving food?
• What’s the best date?
• What components are most meaningful to you?
• Where will you hold it?
• Do you want flowers, a guest book, photos?

Though it can be daunting to plan a funeral, whether for yourself or someone else, honoring a person who you loved with the goodbye you think best represents their life can be a rewarding and healing experience.

Navigating the Funeral Planning Experience

Remember to be kind to yourself as you navigate this experience. It can be an emotional one. Find support from friends, family, and your chosen provider to get through it. Knowing that you may be dealing with “grief brain,” make sure you are methodical about taking notes, having a notebook for your questions and answers, and never be afraid to ask questions. Whether you are using an Afterall provider or someone else, a good funeral director has been through this many times before and can guide you with compassion and care. Ultimately, the important thing is that you remember your loved one’s life in a way that’s most meaningful to you and your family.