The Healing Power of Letter Writing After Loss

Certain moments make the absence of loved ones feel especially poignant—birthdays, Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, or Christmas. Grief often intensifies during these meaningful days. Writing letters can be a powerful way to navigate mourning, allowing you to express emotions that might feel overwhelming.

How Writing Letters Can Ease Grief

Writing letters offers a therapeutic outlet for processing grief. What you do with the letter is entirely up to you:

• Keep it close in your wallet.
• Share it with someone who would find comfort in it.
• Send it to someone else who may also be missing your loved one.

Writer Lisa Marie Basile explains in Luna Magazine that starting is simple:

“Decide who you’ll write to and what you want to say.” From there, begin with Dear [Name] and let your thoughts flow naturally.

“You can stay in the positive, telling them everything you miss about them, or let out the harder emotions, the rage or the pain. Maybe you want to tell them it’s okay to go, or perhaps ask the questions you’ve been holding onto. The letter can be structured or wild – this is up to you.”

Whether you’re seeking closure, cherishing memories, or finding a sense of connection, the simple act of writing can bring profound comfort and healing on your grief journey.

Writing Letters to Those Who Have Passed

One example of this practice comes from Nobel Prize-winning physicist Richard Feynman. In a letter written in 1946 to his wife Arlene, who had passed away 16 months earlier, Feynman expressed:

“I find it hard to understand in my mind what it means to love you after you are dead – but I still want to comfort and take care of you.”

While these letters often remain unread by their recipients, there are remarkable exceptions. One woman, for instance, continued emailing her late father’s work account – until one day, she received a reply.

Writing Letters to Leave Behind for Loved Ones

Writing letters while alive to leave behind can create a lasting gift for your loved ones. Bob Hassmiller embraced this tradition, sharing his letter titled “A Letter From Your Dead Husband” with colleagues at The Motley Fool and updating it annually.

For another touching example, read The Washington Post’s heartwarming story: “A Dying Mother Wrote Her Children Letters, Leaving a Gift of Love for Years.” Prepare to grab some tissues for this one.

Sending a Letter Through the “Postal Service for the Dead”

After losing her mother, artist and archivist Janelle Ketcher created the Postal Service for the Dead, an art and archive project for those seeking a way to connect with lost loved ones.

You can participate by sending your letter to:

Postal Service for the Dead, PO Box 31412, Los Angeles, CA 90031

When submitting your letter, you have three options:

• A blank envelope: Do not read.
• A star: May be read and shared.
• A heart: Can be read but not shared.

Ketcher explains: “I hope people find relief, release, or connection – either with the person they lost or knowing others are feeling and expressing similar emotions.”

For more information, visit their website.

Resources for Writing Through Grief

These resources can help you start writing and find support

• Mayo Clinic: Coping with grief.
• TAPS.org: Support for military families.
• What’s Your Grief: Practical advice and inspiration.

Download Our Free Letter-Writing Guide:

Get simple prompts to express your thoughts to someone who has passed or share your feelings with loved ones now. Click here to download the guide.