How Long Does Grief Last?

Grief is one of the most personal and complex emotions a person can experience. It has no clear start or end, and its intensity varies from one person to another. While some find comfort and healing within a specific timeframe, others carry grief with them for years, if not a lifetime. This raises the question: how long does grief last? What is “normal?” And is it possible to grieve for too long?

A Common Grieving Timeline

Grief researchers suggest that many people experience a noticeable improvement in symptoms after about six months, with most symptoms easing within one to two years. This can serve as a general baseline for the grieving timeline but is far from universal.

While some individuals adapt to life without their loved ones within this timeframe, others may continue to struggle. That doesn’t necessarily mean their grief is “abnormal” – it may simply mean that their grief journey is different.

Can Grief Last Too Long?

Santiago Delboy, a psychotherapist practicing in Chicago, challenges the notion that grief has an expiration date: “You grieve for as long as you need to, even if that takes a lifetime.”

The idea that grief can remain part of someone’s emotional landscape indefinitely is echoed by many who have suffered deep losses. Academy Award-winning screenwriter and actor Billy Bob Thornton shared on YouTube how his brother’s death changed him forever: “I've never been the same since my brother died. There's a melancholy in me that never goes away. I'm 50% happy and 50% sad at any given moment.” His experience speaks to the reality that for some, grief is not something to be “overcome” but rather something they learn to live with.

The Concept and Controversy of Prolonged Grief Disorder

It stirred controversy when Prolonged Grief Disorder (PGD) was added to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders or DSM in 2022 as a diagnosable condition. Both the ICD-11 and DSM-5 have set criteria for PGD, which can be diagnosed between six months to a year after a loss if the person experiences severe, persistent symptoms, including intense yearning or preoccupation with the deceased that disrupts their daily life.

However, some experts argue that grief should not always be classified as a disorder, even if it persists beyond a specific timeframe. A study published in the National Library of Medicine raises questions about whether the prolonged grief theory is even accurate. The study suggests that placing rigid timeframes on grief may be misleading, as individual experiences vary greatly. Pathologizing grief as a disorder puts pressure on people to “get over it,” like a cold or a fracture. 

Grief: Not a Linear Journey

Although everyone copes with loss in different ways, there are five commonly defined stages of grief. Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross first described the stages in her book On Death and Dying. Though she was writing about the experiences of the dying, for many years, these stages have been used to help guide grieving loved ones. They help provide a framework for the complex thoughts, behaviors, and emotions that people typically experience after the death of a loved one: 

1. Denial: The initial shock of loss may lead to disbelief, numbness, or feeling disconnected from reality.
2. Anger: Pain and frustration can surface as anger directed at oneself, others, or even the person who has passed.
3. Bargaining: A person may try to negotiate with themselves or a higher power, hoping to reverse or lessen the impact of the loss.
4. Depression: Deep sadness and loneliness can set in as the reality of the loss becomes more apparent.
5. Acceptance: Over time, many people find a way to integrate the loss into their lives, even if the pain never entirely goes away.

Yet grief is not a linear journey. Someone may experience multiple versions of each stage or go through them in a different order. Some may return to earlier stages unexpectedly, and others may never experience all five in a clear progression. Grief is highly personal, and no one experiences it the same way.

Dr. Kübler-Ross explained, “The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not 'get over' the loss of a loved one; you’ll learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to.” 

Grief Makes Its Own Schedule

While scientific research attempts to define grief within a framework, personal experiences prove that grief is deeply individualized. Some may process and adjust to their loss relatively quickly, while others may feel its weight for decades. The question of “how long is too long?” is difficult to answer because healing does not always mean forgetting. For some people, like Keith B., a retired probation officer in Syracuse, New York, grief simply becomes a part of who they are: “It’s been 18 years since my mother died, and 15 since my dad. And I still miss them and think about them every single day. The pain is still there, and always will be.” 

Linda, a third-grade teacher in Altamonte Springs, Florida, has a different grief perspective. She grieved intensely and actively for about a year when her husband died in 2021, but she “takes comfort in my faith that promises we will be together in eternal life. That helps me through the day-to-day absence of someone I loved very much.”

Rather than judging the duration of grief, it may be more helpful to ask whether the individual can engage in life, find moments of joy, and maintain relationships. If grief becomes all-consuming to the point of preventing basic functioning, professional support can help. However, if someone continues to carry sadness for years while still engaging with life, it doesn’t mean they are grieving wrong — they are simply grieving their way.

Managing Your Grief: Finding Support 

Grief does not have a deadline, nor is there a universal timetable for healing. Whether it lasts for a year, a decade, or a lifetime, what matters most is finding a way to integrate the loss into life in a way that feels manageable. As psychotherapist Santiago Delboy notes, “Who is to say how long is too long?” And that is okay. 

You can download our Guide to Coping with Loss below. We hope you find it helpful and comforting.