10 Grief Rituals to Help You Through the Holidays

After losing a loved one earlier in the year, facing the holidays can be tough. Even if you lost them at another time, there’s something about the season that can remind us of our grief and loss and can make getting through it a struggle.

But there are small rituals that can help you remember and honor those loved ones and give yourself a meaningful, active way to grieve alone or with family and friends.

10 Ideas for Memorial Rituals During the Holidays

There’s almost an infinite number of things you can do to remember a loved one during the holidays. These are ten we like, but the Cake end-of-life planning website has 16 ideas (including some of our suggestions and more), and another list of 20 ideas, including other holidays during the season like Hanukkah, Thanksgiving, and New Year’s.

Some of our ideas for rituals to use during a memorial can also work at other times when you’d like to pause and remember a loved one. And don’t be afraid to create your own traditions and rituals. 

1. Write a letter to your loved one that expresses your feelings, and looks back on memories of the holiday spent together. Consider reading it with others or burning it in a fireplace as an additional ritual. There are also people and projects where you can send your letters to be shared (if you like) and archived, like the Los Angeles-based Postal Service for the Dead.
2. Cook their favorite meal. Food writer Lisa Ruland lost her first husband while still a newlywed and later launched The Food + Grief Project where people can share recipes, stories, and personal experiences at the intersection of grief and food.
3. Watch a movie that reminds you of them.
4. Create a shrine or altar. In celebration of Dia de los Muertos, Mexican families create ofrendas to honor loved ones. Adding candles, photos, keepsakes, and flowers can create a meaningful touchstone for memories of your loved one, no matter what your culture.
5. Incorporate their clothing into a quilt.
6. Create or purchase memorial gifts to give to other family members or friends of the loved one or keep someplace meaningful in your home.
7. Listen to or sing songs they loved or remind you of them and of your relationship.
8. Participate in a family tradition or activity that they loved.
9. Volunteer to help with a cause you care about. Volunteering helps lift isolation and loneliness and can be a helpful salve during grief.
10. Light a candle in honor of your loved one or hold a candle ceremony. At a ceremony, you can sing a song together, share memories or observe a moment of silence.

Additional Memorial Ritual Ideas for the Holidays

We have tips for you if you are trying to support someone else who is grieving during the holidays or at any time. You can also find some great advice on grief expert Megan Devine’s website.

And, if you are looking for more tips for bolstering your own mental wellness through the season, see our article on how to cope with grief during the holidays. You can find additional tips from the Modern Loss website.

A Wish for Peace

However you choose to get through the holidays, we hope you find some peace as you move through the season. As Megan Devine says, “There is no right way or wrong way to do the holiday season. It’s important to reach out and connect. Whether you’re grieving or trying to support someone who is. One last thing for helpers: It’s OK to feel awkward! You don’t need to be perfect, just present.”

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